Pandemic Diaries - August 16, 2020 - Living in the Negative Space

We’ve seen those black and white pictures - a trompe l’oeil, trick of the eye. You can see a woman or a skull, two people or a vase, depending on which colors you choose to focus on. Artist MC Escher took this to new levels at the time with his transformations.

We can look at those pictures and change our perspectives and flip between the images. We can do that with our lives. Both sides tell a story and we can choose which one to see.

We are living in the negative space, we feel empty. There’s nothing there. When we look into the positive side, we find the light and the blackness looks different. The blackness isn’t the focus, but it supports the white. We need both of them. 

This is period of change. 

I’ve been angry for so long. Lots of anger at passivity towards progress, the aggression and the malevolence instigated in the world around us. When my energy is spent on being angry, it does no good. My emotions rise and my head floods with blood and rage. I’ve been so consumed I can feel my eyeballs shake. My words come out like daggers, ejected from a place I do not visit often. When I cannot control my own body, I can't control my own humanity.

How do I get out of this negative space to see differently?

I’m learning to center myself. Don’t waste the energies on hate. I see the malevolent energy spreading, and its leader was destined to be there. Had we continued along the path of promise and hope, the evil energies would’ve continued to grow subversively. We would not have seen them. It’s like mold and mildew growing under your house. You suspect it’s there and say there’s nothing that can be done. By not addressing it, the mildew seeps through the water and the air.

We’re breathing it in and choking now.

That is where we are. Were it not for malevolence rising in the world, we would’ve stayed as we were and continued to choke silently.

How do we focus on the positive space? We need to look at the facts and history. At this point, we’re so overwhelmed and our sense of time and history is so skewed. Every day we're slapped with increasing numbers of death, of economic disappointments, confusion, scandals and corruption.

These are the Positives that I keep in my back pocket and refer to them when I’m encroached by the negative. I first remind myself that it is 2020, and not 2016. We're not the same country as we were.

• Since January 2017, women marched across the streets of America. We did not wait but one day after the inauguration to get out on the streets of every city to show there were so many more of us. We haven’t stopped marching – for the Earth, for Gun Control, for Black Lives.
• The 2016 election inspired so many women and minorities to run for elected office for the first time. In 2020, there are 127 women in Congress, of which 48 are women of color. Since 1916, only 358 women have served in Congress. The numbers now are showing the right direction!
• By the way, Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the House of Representatives in 2019. It’s always a surprise to remember that Alexandria Ocasio Cortez was sworn in only January 2019. She hasn’t been around as long as we think she has been. So, were it not for the shake up with the members in the House, there would have been no Impeachment hearings and Mueller report hearings. That phone call with Ukraine asking for a favor would’ve blended into the background noise of this administration.
• The MeToo Movement had begun years ago, but the wildfire caught now. Women and men across the country realized that in spite of the complaints and lawsuits - a man could become President of the US or a Supreme Court Justice. The system allowed him. Because of this, women voiced their experiences and said they had enough of covering up. We saw celebrities like Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein be taken down by the system that refused to cover up. Everyone knew it was happening, but now they’re pointing it out. They can start by wiping the mildew and filth they could see but chose to look the other way.
  
• We are experiencing the same shift in our understanding towards race now. Confederate statues and flags are coming down. There’s a lot of work to be done, but everyone is ready to talk about this. Again, a white racist man can become President of US because people choose to over look this. White supremacists have always been
  
• After he leaves, the next order will be to remove will be all his enablers who silently support the Constitutional and ethical violations conducted by the family.

Rather than getting angry at the man in the White House, we need to view him as a change agent. Were it not for him, we would have continued along this path, wheezing on the moldy air. Am I ready to give him gratitude? Not yet. Not until justice served will be once his role is completed.

I know it will get worse before it gets better so we all need to bring our light and positive energies together. Sunshine is best disinfectant to clear out the mold underground.

I don't know - maybe this makes sense or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it seems PollyAnna-ish or new age blah blah, I could understand that. It's just a way I'm trying to center myself and release the anxieties of the time. I feel so much fear and anxiety around me from people and all I want to do is emit a positive energy to infuse and diffuse the fear.