"She Looks Like Me"

One of the most exciting qualities about Kamala Harris is that people are able to identify with her in so many ways. It may be based on her mixed race, immigrant parents, Indian roots, Afro-Caribbean roots, Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority member, a woman in a male-dominated field, a degree from a non-Ivy League school, an interracial marriage with her husband, not having own children but being a stepmom and favorite aunt. We could go on and on. 

Padma Lakshmi posted her own family pictures paralleling Kamala's single mothers in a foreign country. I've seen other women of varied ethnicity (Black, Latina, Asian, etc.) compare their own pictures next to Kamala. May be it's her college haircut or another teen or childhood moment when they recognized themselves in her.

I've felt kinship with her as a child of immigrant parents, especially from India, growing up around the same period. However, I didn't have that moment until I saw this picture -- Kamala's gold hoop earrings. Indian mothers love gold hoops on their girls.

 

It starts because we have our ears pierced as babies, supposedly not to feel any pain. Wearing real gold earrings minimizes any chance of infections and sensitivities. Small gold earrings are often given as gifts in the family.

My sister and I wore gold hoops for years at least until we were 12-13 years old; once I decided I was done with them, I opted for crazy 1980s mismatched dangling earrings. My mom would periodically upgrade our hoops with our age, passing my smaller hoops to my younger sister. You weren't allowed to take them out. You slept, played, bathed and lived in them all the time. They were the 24 karat yellow gold, for crying out loud! American girls sported small costume posts (if they were "allowed" to have earrings). We wore gold hoops that stood out, and, honestly, they are flattering for small round faces.

When I saw Kamala's photo, my thought was her Mama did the same thing as mine! The earrings were probably from India, possibly a gift from a relative. So, she had to wear them all the time.

I loved these pictures of Kamala and her sister Maya, since it reminded me of my own relationship with my sister. I wasn't lucky enough to have two little pigtails like Kamala, since my mother always cut our hair short for the sake of convenience. We used to tell her that if it weren't for the earrings, people would think we were boys.

It was this shared moment when I saw my childhood align to hers. Little Kamala probably received compliments on her earrings, but then had to explain she could not take them off during recess or gym. You could add the earrings to the list of things she had to explain because she was different - how to say her name, exactly what color was she since she wasn't black or white. Did her mother wear saris or Indian suits to school events because they were special, not realizing it made her daughter stand out even more as an outsider?

Those earrings could tell a story that I understand. A story of young girl of immigrants growing up in the US, wanting to fade into the background.. not having to explain.

The world has changed so much from 1970s to 2020s -- there is so much more multicultural awareness and mainstream exposure. I love that American friends and colleagues know about Diwali and they try to make chicken tikka masala at home. I love that our representation is expanding and my daughter's world is so much different than mine was.

It's definitely a different world of acceptance. Have we stopped explaining ourselves? Definitely not, but we're seen. 

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Side Note about Earrings and My Daughter

When my daughter was born, my mother told me to have her ears pierced early. So, we asked our pediatrician to do it since she was around one years old. Shortly afterwards, one night, the post of her earring got caught in her pacifier and she pulled it out. She was crying and wouldn't let me reinsert the earring. It was too traumatic so she went with one earring. I didn't care if it closed up since we can pierce later. It wasn't too much later that the other earring got caught in her seat belt. Again, she wouldn't let me reinsert so I just said forget it. 

My mother continued to push me on her ears. When my daughter was around 2-3 years old, I took my mother with me to the mall to get her ears pierced. She cried a little, but all was good once she got a lollipop. I was eager to give her special gold earrings she could wear all the time so we don't have to think about it. However, she lost one gold earring at daycare. After that, I kept simple pairs for her and managed to deal with lost and misplaced earrings. The gold pairs are for special occasions.

Interestingly enough, now that she's almost 20, she has about 4 piercings in each ear. 

Oh well. That's how parenting works.